"All happy families are happy in the same way, but no two unhappy families are alike."

Tolstoy used those words to open "Anna Karenina," the classic Russian novel which is powered with a progression of European-style infidelities. Anna's sister Dolly is betrayed by her husband Sergei, who leaves love letters from his mistress on his desk. Dolly and Sergei work it out — in more or less Clintonian terms. Anna's niece Kitty is betrayed by Vronsky, who parts with her after leading her to believe that he would marry her. Kitty falls ill, and almost dies because of her broken heart. Alexander Karenin is cheated on openly by his wife — and he tells her to hit the road. Anna Karenina, finally, is betrayed by Vronsky, who leaves her, and society, which exiles her, and she puts her head under a train. They were all victims of infidelity, and they were all unfaithful themselves in various ways. They all suffered because of it.

But none of them knew about the Internet. What if they had decided to commit their infidelities online?

After deciding to cheat on her husband, Anna would probably have conducted her affair with Vronsky on the Internet. It would have saved her a lot of trouble, and the whole thing would have been conducted with a little more discretion. For $75, she could have gotten a Comprehensive Background Check of Vronsky on whoishe.com ("When in Doubt, Check Him Out"). Then they could have had their virtual affair over the Internet. That would have saved Vronsky the Moscow-Petersburg train tickets.

Anna's husband would have found out without going through the embarrassment of being openly cuckolded by Vronsky. He would have used SpectorSoft, which can be bought online at $49.95. "Secretly record everything your spouse, children, & employees do online!" the website reads. "Install Spector on your PC and it will record EVERYTHING anyone does on the Internet." Using a camera placed inside the TV screen, this program would allow him to record Anna's links, and to confront her with evidence of her shenanigans. Then, using the Deluxe Infidelity Network Kit, which costs $60, he could have received contacted a therapist and joined a video support group. Of course Anna might have been advised to use the Infidelity Network Expert Directory, available on the same website, to hire a private detective to keep track of Vronsky's online whereabouts. Kitty could have gotten married in cyberspace (www.nadtech.com), without going through the trauma of being stood up at balls or choosing between two suitors. The women could have all worked their problems out on "cheatinghusbands.com". And the Karenins could have looked for marriage counseling on the Internet (also available on the Deluxe Infidelity Kit), and everyone would have lived happily ever after, recording each other's emails on Spectorsoft, receiving detailed activity reports on "eblaster", including all websites visited, all applications run, and all keystrokes typed — every thirty minutes, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse.

Isn't that an invasion of privacy, though? Many feel that it is, but the legality of these cyber-snooping programs isn't being seriously challenged in court. While there are laws that regulate information-gathering, they usually apply to wiretapping and not to software. A 1995 case in Michigan permitted secretly monitored online conversations to be submitted for evidence in a divorce case. Nobody has effectively figured out how to use existing wiretapping laws to cover personal cybersnooping — or whether the material used for cybersnooping can legally be sold on market. Recently measures have been taken to ensure that Internet companies take voluntary measures to protect the privacy of their clientele. According to a recent Federal Trade Commission report, only 20 percent of the Internet companies are actually taking serious measures. And in a country where 60 percent of the 65 million married couples are suffering, or have suffered from some form of infidelity, there's a big market for surveillance disks.

On One Hand...

Everyone deserves to know if they're being lied to. The Spectorsoft kits and other similar surveillance kits offer users that opportunity. There is nothing more sordid than a spouse who used the Internet as a tool for building a relationship or arranging an assignation. The Internet is a tool to be used by everybody, openly, and if a home computer is being used by a husband to create chat rooms with other women, surveillance software is the most effective way of stopping him. Online relationships can be addictive and in the final analysis, they can destroy marriages. Stop your husband or wife from hurting you and hurting themselves as well. Use the knowledge you get from these to confront your cheating spouse. It will give both of you a chance to save your marriage. Before it's too late, buy a surveillance kit.

On the Other Hand...

The Spector software, and other surveillance material of the same sort, doesn't stop problems; it creates them. It comes as close as any existing tool can come to detecting lust in the heart. But assuming that lust in the heart is a constant in many Americans, that will create more problems than it solves. Software like this feeds on a mix of obsession and fear — including cyber-addiction and paranoia — and ultimately it creates a breeding ground for the dangerous disease of jealousy. Married couples shouldn't have to spy on one another; anyone who feels that they have to use these instruments against one another should call it quits to begin with.

Internet companies have been using information-gathering tools to share information or sell it to people we have no control over. This is a violation personal privacy that must be restrained by the federal government. Internet companies have protested that they have been looking after their customers' rights themselves, but the evidence doesn't support this. Controls have to be placed on the sale of this dangerous and unnecessary software.

• A bill introduced in the Michigan Senate in early June would require very clear notification when cookies are placed on a computer, make it simpler for customers to reject cookies, allow them to see the data collected and mandate that sites secure the harvested information.
• In Maryland in 1995, Bryan Renehan, a divorce lawyer persuaded a judge to admit the documents his client obtained by installing a homemade keystroke monitor to record his wife. By admitting the evidence, the judge effectively ruled that online monitoring did not amount to a wiretape.
• In San Antonio, a woman began to monitor her husband of 15 years, who would hole himself up in his studio with his computer for hours on end. After warning him, he stopped; but he turned back to the online sex "like a magnet". Finally, after repeated warnings, she took a hammer to the computer.

Detroit News; Washington Post